Tuesday, January 15, 2013



Ujjyai Life: A Blog of Victorious Living at it's now Home!

Friday, January 11, 2013

Yawning Us Awake Greatness

We the manifestation of our dreams destination connected to stars shooting having string attached to this wet globe with earth patches our consciousness gives conscious decision for the world to turn lifting dust from our pasts ashes and spreading to lungs of fellow three from the sun planet dwellers and starship sailors we haven't met because they know we're not ready our breath will continue into the next decade century millennia as breath of someone far from us now but feels where we've been that extra inhale of air taken every once in a while when the sunrise is seen and the past crosses the mind like morning birds across the sky we're the determination of cells and DNA to be more than human Morse Code and scribbled symbols to define the origin of our skin holding infinity within our souls rolling over during sleep before standing in the morning yawning us awake greatness where we are so continue to be. 


Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Questioning the Support of the Universe Part 1

There is a saying that if you put what you want out to the Universe, it will conspire to make it happen. That's very true. Even knowing that, how does one welcome the help? Do you research and study all you can and then give what you have? Or do you say "Hey, F.Y.I, this is what I want," then begin from there? From what I've heard, it's all of the above. Not always together either. Some people quit their job and then almost immediately find the perfect one. A game plan won't even be in place. How does this happen and why?

Maybe the act of quitting, that declaration of having enough is so strong the Universe has no choice but to quickly respond. Like a ping pong match. When someone serves, the Universe better be quick if it wants to rally (which it does). Is the plan "In two weeks, I'm out of here," a solid enough affirmation to bring about such change? 

When I began practicing yoga in April 2012, everything about the rest of the year began to fall into a better place. I decided I wanted to be a full time writer, I cut hours at my job, cut my hair and went all natural and realized I could have a passion about something in life. Yoga was the key to that. One decision, "I'm going to take my first yoga class this week," resulted in me finding one of my passions in life. Helped me to find a way to understand myself, my spirit and the world around me. What are the odds when I take my first four yoga classes I have the opportunity to go to the yoga studio four times a week the whole next month and a win a challenge? Universe, was that you? *said coyly* 

Is that it then? Just claim something and trying it out no matter how small or great? This is on my mind since the worsening condition at my job. I want to quit. Yes I know, want all I like, the universe will allow me to keep wanting. Actually quitting...Oh I CAN quit. I should. At least there is another income and a couple months rent saved if I did. Is that still fair to my partner? Will the Universe back me up? It's not so easy when I think about effecting other people and bills. Why is it so easy to jump to the negative thoughts with such decision and not the super awesome ones that are bound to follow? (That's for another post I think) 

I remember when I felt like I had no passion in life. A passionate person with no passion to pursue. I would see others and wonder, "What is that like? Why can't I have that?" I'd ask myself how a person finds something that makes sense to them and intrigues them so much they learn from it everyday. They don't mind working with it every day. They don't get bored, its just more exploration though familiar. Yoga was that for me. The passion I found to pursue and have tons to learn from all the time! I know that feeling now. The practice, practitioners, asana, meditation, spirituality...All of it is a continual process of exploration, interest and learning.  

My point is, I thought to myself about having a passion, "Why can't that be me?" A few months later it was. Now I'm asking again about quitting a corporate job to fully follow my career as a full time writer and yoga instructor, "Why can't that be me?" And then...

To Be Continued.... 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Dreaming Reality (Literally)

A few nights this week I've remembered some of my dreams. Groggy yet interested I grabbed my phone and keyed in what I remembered, trying my best to not illuminate my sleeping husband. I took some of the symbols and looked them up in an online dictionary tonight. Here's the dream that struck me the most this week. 

I was in bed, in my room at my mom's house. I just woke up from a nap I suppose. The room was dark and for some reason a ceiling fan was set directly above my bed that sits next to the wall. I stood in the middle of my bed to turn on the lights. They burned out. Except one, with a somewhat off rhythm dull pulse. Not completely out; struggling weakly to shine anything at all. 

Being on a bed isn't sturdy and I stumbled a bit trying to fix these lights. All of a sudden about five of my girl friends rushed in. "Are you okay?" "We'll help you!" "Let us get it! You alright?!" One of my friends was holding me gently by the arms as if I was in need of a jacket. "I'm fine, really, I'm okay." I said a bit confused and pleased they were so concerned. 

Telling this dream to a good friend of mine she responded, "Yay support!" Support indeed! For what? The most striking aspects of this dream were the light bulbs and friends. 

Looking up light bulbs I got a description of feeling ineffective, out of ideas and having nothing to offer. This is true. Lately I've been concerned about my current job situation and unsure of what to do. Not knowing where to turn or any steps to take. Also, the worst feeling of having nothing to give of substance. Even if I quit, what then? What do I have? 

Seeing my friends meant aspects of my personality that I've rejected but am ready to incorporate and acknowledge. It also means positive news. Checking the date on my phone, I recorded this dream January 1, 2013. 01/01/2013 at 6:23am. That same evening I got the seed planted in my head to seriously consider teacher training this year. This gives me a serious feeling of the Twilight Zone, only with a happy ending. 

Oh Universe how subtle you are! 

I'll explain. I feel it's significant one light bulb wasn't completely burnt out. It was very faint and barely pulsing but there was light none the less. Though I felt a bit useless and confused I wasn't completely down for the count. A small part of me was saying in a faithful whisper, "No Chelle, there's more. You have something to offer I promise". I've always been a person of many beginnings. I've mentioned this before, trying over and over and over again. Wanting to give up and (thankfully) never being able to. 

Aspects of my personality being rejected does not surprise me. I usually have multiple goals to go for and ways of understanding them or aspects to them. I mean really, about five friends for a few light bulbs? I can't be anything but grateful for such support! I do like how I am ready to incorporate and acknowledge them. Even if it takes time to realize that's what I'm doing. They didn't walk or stroll in. My friends, my personality aka true nature and purpose (which I feel at times can be the same thing) rushed in! I was grateful though confused. Positive news. That brings me back to the friend with her hands on my shoulders. As if she was protecting me. My purpose, passions and destiny are here for me. We're friends. Only good can come from that. I'm safe. 

I had this dream five days ago and thinking on it now makes this first week in January make sense. Some of the things I signed up just happened to show up to me at the right time, like the both yoga challenges!

  • I signed up for a 40 Day Personal Revolution with yoga
  • A support group to encourage women to follow their dreams
  • A yoga blog challenge to get me over my fear of posting 
  • Told my family and a few friends about my interest in being a yoga instructor. 
All to tremendous support, good vibes and love! 

The first day of the year I had a dream about my insecurities. The same dream projected me dashing them away with acknowledging my passions, embracing and following through with them. Five days later, I'm very excited and lovingly supported. It's amazing what your soul knows and how the universe will conspire with it when the need is great. 

I'm also glad I write down my dreams when I can. Even if I don't know what they mean at the time, going back to them I can understand how I'm feeling. More importantly, I can more fully appreciate what has happened because of them. 

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Did You Breathe Today?

Did you breathe today? Think about it. Have you felt your breath? Lungs? Are you aware of your existence? I want you to take a moment to sit back, close your eyes and take three strong yet calm breaths. I'll do them with you...

Did you do it? I did mine. If so, I bet you felt a difference. Did you realize you had a body, a chest with life energy flowing through it? If you didn't do it, that's okay, thought I hope you'll reconsider.

What is all the breathing about in yoga? Pranayama. Have you heard "If you can breathe you are doing yoga" or a variation of it. For me, it's about living. Waking up the sleeping or reviving the dead. Yes, the dead. There are multiple forms of life and therefore multiple forms of death. As I say, zombie's walk but they're not alive. 

Did you breathe today? Are you living or existing through space? The limbs can be alight by electricity as Frankenstein's poor monster. Or lived in like a child shivering in the sprinklers. Teeth chattering  and still not ready to stop feeling the day's fun. 

So often we walk around a bit numb. This is no judgment. I do it too. Life can go along without our realizing we were there. "Is it Friday already? Where did the week go?" It passed all the same, we just weren't there. 

Did you breathe today?  Cry? Did your body ache from an overdose of joy? I hope so. If not, sit back and take three strong breaths. Life is within you. Let it circulate your blood. 

Fear of Greatness

Yoga has a way of unlocking our buried thoughts and feelings. Or, putting the view of ourselves into greater focus. Fear is one of my feelings that need intense examining. I need to uncover my fear from piles of clean clothes, unwashed dishes and scattered papers with bits and pieces of different dreams and ideas. Put it under a magnifying glass. Not to over analyze but put into focus. 

I have a fear of greatness. A fear of the amazingly worthy unknown before me. How does one fear success? Fear the life they think about daily; daydream living the perfect existence? It's unfamiliar territory. As humans we naturally fear what we don't know. 

During a amazing Candlelight Yoga on January 1st ( a great way to start the new year!) at my home studio, a thought crossed my mind. What if I taught yoga? What if I used asana as the vehicle to seep my words into the souls of others as my teachers do? What if I was in front of a class of 40 reminding them what they are there for. Encouraging them to attempt a pose slightly feared because they now know they are better for it. 

Fear strikes! What about money for teacher training? What about my weak arms? Can I tell them what they need to know? How can I be a leader to others as I struggle to lead myself? 

Money can be saved. Arms can be strengthened (I never thought I could chatarunga!). Knowledge is learned and everyone has the ability to lead if it's from the heart. When thought of this way, I'm left with excuses. Left with fearful words to slow or stop progress into a successful unknown. 

Let me break down this phrase "successful unknown". The fear comes from "unknown". But why? It's successful! When you're used to living a certain lifestyle, happy or not, it's difficult to change. What's the solution? Turn the unknown into the known. 

Instead of "What about money?" claim, "I'm going to have X amount of money by X." My arms aren't weak. They are progressively growing stronger. I can tell others what they need to know by passing on what I know. It's all you can do anyway. Leading from the heart, others will follow my love, truth and search for connection. 

I suppose, I don't fear greatness. I fear the unknown. I'll say, with the little I've already found out I know, what's really to fear? 


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