What Tears Are These?: True Story

I respect my body and my journey.

When I thought that up for my mantra, I don't even think I completely knew what it meant. I knew, but the depth wasn't there. I knew I wanted to focus on my goal for better health and patience on my journey through yoga and properly following my calling in life. Okay, I'll go with it.

I was holding my mala. Rubbing each uncultured pearl in my right pointer finger and thumb. Then my left. Switching between the two. At first just going through the motions. 

One, two, three.....
Sixteen, seventeen....
Thirty Seven, Thrity Eight, Thrity Nine....

I respect my body and my journey. I respect my body and my journey. Have I reached the middle of the strand? I don't want to miss one pearl. 

Uneven and smooth in my fingers.I respect my body and my journey. Again and again and again until I made the choice to use the mala for what it was for. 

I'm going to put this mantra into my mala. I will put my energy into every pearl so it can't forget. It will forever hold this energy and mantra as the foundation of its power. I respect my body and my journey.

Fifty One,
Fifty Two... Fifty Two,
Fifty Three,
Fifty Two,
Fifty Three,
Fifty Four... Fifty Four... Fifty Four....

I wasn't counting anymore. I was trying to feel the pearls at the end and repeated some. There wasn't enough to move on and I didn't want to go back to where I was. So I grabbed the whole mala in my hands. Clutching them like a baby blanket from years passed. 

I respect my body and my journey. Why am I crying? What tears are these? Is it because this has turned into a prayer? 

Just below room temperature and the size of  dew drops. I can't bend my mala to fit completely in my hands like warm stones from beach sand. So I clutch and rotate. 

I respect my body and my journey. I respect my body and my journey. I won't stop until this trinket has all the energy I have to give it. I will build a foundation of good energy. This will be the beginning of all that is good for me. I will leave my prayer here and I can always come back for it later. Then add more.I respect my body and my journey. Tears to chin. I respect my body and my journey. Tears to t-shirt. I respect my body and my journey. I respect my body and my journey. 

I finish with a Namaste to the yogis before me for passing on the practice, Namaste to the universe, Namaste to myself for being brave enough to practice and meditate. Who knew it would turn into a prayer? 

~WY